Barflies- Adam Dolan

A buzzing afternoon in The Old Barge. The Derby on the TV. Pints can’t get drunk quick enough. SHELLY and MICK are sitting in their booth. Mick is wearing his Spurs Away jersey he got at Wembley in ’92. He’s saving his last gulp of his pint for when Kane puts one in the back of the net. He’s engrossed. It’s only him and the game.

..And it was Marie who told me that she had got that done. Now I wouldn’t have been able to tell just by looking at her. She’s gorgeous yeah but come on there’s no way it was worth the money.

Shelly is sipping her House Sauvignon between each breath. She’s wearing her mother’s silver earrings,
God-rest-her-soul. It’s Sunday, the couple’s day out, and she’s wearing her going-out clothes: her denim pencil skirt, loose black blouse with sparkles and a light jacket to hide the bingo wings. Neither of the two are spring chickens, the years haven’t been so kind.

Yup get up the pitch ya boyo!

If that’s how she’s going to be about it I’m not going to open my mouth, but maybe you could say something to her, I know she listens to you.

He doesn’t have the stamina for these lads anymore..Ref open your eyes!


The pub let out a singular gasp and drained their pints in unison. The ball went out of play and the whistle blew. 0-0. Lines for the urinals out the door.

Yeah I’ll have another one and she’ll have the same.

She’s going around in that fancy car of hers I don’t know who she thinks she is. With another one on the way I think she ought to keep her head down, hanging around with all sorts too I hear.

Mick is on Jupiter and Shelly is on Mars. Their drinks come and Mick is already raising the glass to his lips before it’s set.

She’d never set foot in a place like this. Her new fella takes her to fancy places like that new Chinese place over on the Kiltipper Road. No wouldn’t see the likes of her in here, and sure they sit their on their phones the whole time anyway. I see the pair of them on Facebook going on like they’re the only two on Earth and you get them together and there’s barely two words spoke. You know what I mean?



(through a gulp of wine)

It might do him good to get a bit of work with you and the lads, toughen him up a bit, what do you think? God knows he’ll be out on his arse when the little one comes and he’s still acting the fool, there won’t be any more of those fancy dinners. Will you see if there’s anything for him?


The whistle goes again and we’re back in action. The ball is quick to end up on the far side of the pitch. Kane is all over it and volleys the ball past the goalie. The pub upends with roars and Mick takes a gulp of his pint in satisfaction.


G’wan ya good thing!! And another one of those we’ll be flying.

Did I already tell you I was out with her on Thursday we went into town for a bit of a wander. Now, I wasn’t able to keep up she was a mile a minute and I said to her I says now listen to me for a minute you need to put yourself first you’re not to be going on like this and she says she’s grand she’s not a kid anymore and she’s right she’s not. Ahh but I still worry about her you know, you can’t help it can you?


A loud smash over at the bar as someone drops their pint on the ground. There’s a round of cheering and the barman rolls his eyes. Mick takes a sup of his pint and turns back to the game.

I’ve got a fiver on Kane to bang another one in.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.